He got up in the morning and that feeling of emptiness was there again. This feeling has lingered on for a while now. He had hoped once he gets used to his decision, this feeling would just disappear but that was not to be. He so much wished at that moment that he hadn’t made this decision but then he knew he doesn’t even want to reverse it. All he wanted to escape from was this feeling that life is about to change too much, too quickly. There was this nagging fear of things drifting away, of something precious being lost forever. And on top of it, he knew the day when all this is going to hit him hard. He wanted to postpone it but with every morning he was actually getting near it.

He didn’t want to get out of bed, he looked at the table clock and he still had few minutes. He wanted to hold that ticking hand of the clock and stop it. He started thinking of his schedule for the day to distract himself but soon he again found himself thinking of the same thing. So often, few things become so central to our lives that whatever we do, it all leads us to that.

But then this was his own decision. Yeah, others did play a part in making him sit down to decide but when he made the decision – it was entirely his – no influence, no coercion, no pressure. But he still wanted to blame everyone who questioned him. After all, had they not questioned him – he would have never felt the need to seek the answer. His thoughts wandered to those joyous mornings few summers back, when there was no fear, no anxiety - when it was all so serene and peaceful.

And then his phone rang, he picked up the phone and heard the voice of his sweet little girl, “ Hey Dad, How are you? When are you coming home?” He talked to her for several minutes till the alarm clock reminded him that he needs to get off the bed now.

And so he did but the incessant chatter of his daughter has filled in all the emptiness within him with loads of joy. He was no more scared of losing anything. Calm and peace has returned. And so has the promise – promise of a new life which he was actually looking forward to.He was now ready to turn the page of his life, but before that he needed to finish this one.

And so he got up to get ready, he picked up the newspaper and saw his face on the front page again. A bold headline next to the photograph read – “Adam Gilchrist retires tomorrow”

It’s amazing how one’s life constantly change over the years. Passions, priorities, people - they all change as years walk by. If you look back, you would realize that at different points in time, different things meant so much to you. Wonder, if life could have been recorded, not just in photographs or videos but in some way where images can be preserved together with feelings, emotions, promises, aspirations and dreams of those moments. And on one of those lazy Saturday mornings when you have nothing better to do, how about playing back your life with a cup of coffee in your hand.

When I look back, what hits me is the force of emotions during the times gone by. How engrossed we were about getting that one thing in that one moment, as if life almost hinged upon it. It always felt like a ‘make or break’ then though now come to think of it – neither when we got what we wanted it turned life into a fairytale nor life turned into a miserable melancholy when we failed to get what we desired. It’s just that this wisdom always dawns when we can free ourselves from the emotional intensity of those moments.

“Intensity”, yeah that’s the word. It’s the intensity with which we throw ourselves in a moment that makes it so difficult for us to gather ourselves when those times have passed. But then, it’s just not about pulling oneself from losses but also staying sober through success. Because so often what shatters people is not just the failure to get what one yearned for but also the realization that life has not really changed much even after getting what you sought so much. But indifference & disenchantment are no solutions, intensity is a must, it drives you, it keeps you afloat and it brings lot of joy and so what if it makes it difficult too, it’s all part of the experience called ‘Life’.

Another thing I find interesting is how demanding we are of life. So often we are just like that kid, who would throw tantrums to get that toy which caught his fancy a few days back. But the day he gets it, that’s it, he might play with it for a day or two but it's just a matter of time till he finds that other toy which he now wants just as badly as he wanted the earlier one. Just like this kid, all of us always have something on top of our wish-list which we want out of life. At every step we tell ourselves – this is all I want but the moment we get it – that’s it. Soon, we want something else – and now that’s all we want. And somewhere in that process, if we don’t get something - well, life would always hear from us – look you didn’t give me that or else I wouldn’t have wanted this.

But I guess am drifting, what was in my mind when I started writing is how much life changes with time. How as a kid I had absolutely different dreams about my life ahead, as a teen it changed and then over the years I kept churning and changing the dreams of my future. Today I have different expectations from life – ones I feel are almost critical for my future happiness but probably few years down the line I might realize that all of them were inconsequential to how life turned out for me. Probably, today I have got much more from life than what I might have had, if life would have strictly given me only what I asked her for. So in a way it's good that life charts its own path, different from the one I want it to. Sometimes, one may get overawed by the change and may feel that his life has lost its way but probably all life is doing is putting you on a hidden trail of happiness, which you couldn't have discovered on your own.