Been a long time since I wrote…a very long time I should say. I was busy is not a reason, it is just an excuse because I was quite busy even earlier when I was far more regular here.

I think I just lost touch and that’s a dangerous thing to do. It’s far more dangerous than losing focus because losing focus is merely getting distracted but losing touch is letting distance come in between. And we all know bridging the distances are far more difficult then getting over the distractions…

But, am back now or at least that’s what I am trying to tell myself and I hope that for once am right about it.

“Can you see today?” I asked him.
“Well, what do you think, I am blind? I can see everyday, it’s just that on few days all I can see is darkness” he replied.
“And is there a light at the end of tunnel today?” I asked him smilingly. You may later feel that this was a little mean but two of us have come a long way for me to be overly sensitive about his situation.
“Well, you think you have such a handsome face that if I can see I would call you instead of some young pretty lass. Now would you pour me a coffee.” he said laughingly. He loves to laugh at his jokes.

He is a unique case. He is suffering from occasional blindness. Now, I don’t know if a disease like this is even remotely considered a possibility in medical science but for him it was a reality that he woke up to everyday. There are days when he can see a day in all its glory and there were other days when all he has to work with were shades of darkness. There is no method in this madness, he could see on a Monday and go without vision for 3-4 days or can play tic-tac-toe with sight with each getting alternate chances. You can think of him as a blind who can see on some days or someone normal who turns blind on several days.

“You know Siddhartha I think I am unfortunate in a fortunate way.” he quipped as we sipped our coffee.

I knew what he is talking about. “Well, that’s one way to look at it, you could even call yourself plain lucky, not many people who can’t see, sleep with a realistic hope that when they will get up next day, they would be able to see.” I replied.

“I know Sid, not to have something is unfortunate in its own way but when you have something but you are constantly living with a fear that it would not last, sometimes it saps all the joy of owning it. There are people who are born blind, they have never seen a rainbow they can never tell what a rainbow is like. World is merely a collection of words for them – it’s sad but then they don’t feel that acute pang of loss when someone says aloud how beautiful the rainbow is. But I know what a beautiful sight it is to look at the nature putting colours on sky with single brush-stroke and so in that moment of disability I feel cheated. Once that moment pass I thank my stars for that I have at least seen what a rainbow is like and I can definitely see it again. And trust me, it indeed is reassuring. But Siddhartha, insecurity in vision and momentary frustration in blindness; they just end up ruining too much.”

“But that’s not right, why do you worry so much about tomorrow, why not just let yourself deal in today? Why try and insure joy for tomorrow and in the process end up spoiling the today?” I offered him some seemingly wise counsel.

“Because its human nature and I am one. You know what man strives for – Happiness - it’s different from joy. It is lasting and comforting. We never plan for joy, we always plan for happiness. I wish I was a gambler, staking everything on the present, saving nothing for future. But I am not. When I look at the morning sun, I want to get used to its pleasure only if I can promise myself that I can have it everyday. But the moment, doubt make its way in my mind, whispering in hushed tones that tomorrow while the sun may still be there but for me it could be a dark day, I just don’t know what happens to me. I no more care for the sunshine at that moment – I see no joy, all am left with is self pity.”

“Hmmm, you know what you should do, you should instead absorb so much from the moment that it last you a few days.” I said trying to give him instant solution.

“Siddhartha, Ask someone who lost someone close or faced an impending loss. And you would realize that one can never get so much from someone that he wouldn’t miss him when he is gone. More you get, more you will miss. Loss has something about it which can never be compensated by over-filling. And that’s why we all fear loss. That’s why we all fear living a moment to the hilt because when that moment is gone, the emptiness hits you like a rock. Insecurity is just a messenger of loss. What I fear is my loss of vision. I lose it every other day but that doesn’t diminish my fear of loss - it only heightens it. Fear only grows with time. You can try and not flinch in the face of fear but denying the existence of fear is mere immaturity.”

I couldn’t disagree with him. We all grow up try being heroes or supermen. We forget man is fallible, he does get scared. We preach heroism but moment someone takes off his superman mask and come down from pedestal of strongest and wisest – it becomes difficult to tell them what to do. All along I was trying to tell him what a perfect person would have done, but the moment he pulled out his certificate of imperfection, put it in front of me and asked me – Now that I am imperfect tell me what should I do – I was suddenly lost for words.

But he was not.

“You know Siddhartha, it’s very strange, but I am more relaxed on the days I can’t see, probably because I think hopefully tomorrow won’t be as bad as today. Its hope that keeps me relaxed. But on the days I can see when ideally things should be better, things are worse because what plays constantly on back of my mind is that tomorrow would be worse than today. I spend hours thinking what I would do when I won’t able to see tomorrow. It’s as if vision is merely a preparatory camp for blindness. I never really figured why Tomorrow is so important but it is. They all say what you have today is more important than what you can have tomorrow but all my life I have realized what I can have tomorrow has always been more important for me than what I have today. I will sleep a happy man through all the strife today if you can promise me happiness tomorrow. Why is tomorrow so much more important than today, Siddhartha?”

“Probably, because life is actually a collection of one today and lots of tomorrows. Everyday we wake up to innumerable tomorrows looking into our face. A tomorrow that we have not seen, we don’t recognize and which can completely undo all that today may bring. Just think of it, Tomorrow is like that superpower that in a single sweep make all that we cherish today insignificant. Come to think of it, you are right, a terrific today can be thrilling but it’s the knowledge that tomorrow has been secured which would actually sooth our nerves.” I paused at this moment to look at his reaction.

He was smiling and I knew what he was smiling at. What I had just said was diametrically opposite to how I have started but both of us have been through this before. Arguments are like battles, both parties are just concerned about defending their line but conversations are like long walks, even if you start on two different sides of the road you end up getting to the same side and it never matters who crossed over, no one really cares about it.

“But as I said, I might be unfortunate but in a fortunate way. At least there are days when I can see light at the end of the tunnel. Just that you always want a little more than what life brings you and I am no different. Probably one of these days I will find a promise of tomorrow that can keep my today pretty and peaceful. And I guess then it would all be fine.” he said smilingly.

And I just smiled back. His blind eyes were beginning to see a dream and I was not about to disturb that dream.

As news agencies flashed the SC verdict this morning, I felt a little disappointed. Because two wrongs never make a right. ‘Centuries of oppression’ can never be undone by ‘decades of vote-bank politics’. All political parties rushed to welcome the decision. I knew what kind of crap Congress and Left would dish out but when BJP came out with a ‘me too’ kind of statement, I felt like going back and launching my own political party. And I indeed, spent time thinking about a logical and sensible political agenda that should be the basis of a new political movement.

But somewhere deep down I was also shaken because I wondered how come the wise men at Supreme Court failed to rise to the occasion and bell the reservation cat that has been let loose by our political caricatures. Sense of despondency came because since I am convinced that it is beyond combined intellectual capability of our political buffoons to analyse and address the problem of caste injustice in a sensible way, so my only hope was that SC would use this opportunity to set things right. But after taking 4 months since closure of arguments, if all SC could come up with is just a nod to quotas then it would have been really sad.

I must have slept as a troubled soul, had I not chanced upon this piece on rediff during my usual surfing routine.
http://www.rediff.com/news/2008/apr/10quota10.htm
And, if this is true then my confidence in judiciary has increased by leaps and bounds. Let me outline what I found heartening:

“You cease to be OBC when you are educated and attain graduation. Test of the OBC is social and educational backwardness. It says "and", that means if you are not educationally backward you are not OBC. The court has accepted the argument that if you are able to graduate you are not entitled to reservation."

I would say this is a remarkably intelligent and logical point. Way back in 2006 when I was still at IIMA, my biggest grouse against reservations was why reservations in Post-graduation? If you can get into an IIT by merely flaunting your surname, do you still need more crutches to get into a post-graduate degree. If you can’t walk on your two feet after 16 years of state-supported crutches then your are not disadvantaged but just plain incompetent. And if indeed SC in its judgment has carved out reservations in post-graduate courses then it’s one of the most wise decisions I have been witness to in my lifetime. Frankly, it was frustrating to see how nobody can notice something so illogical.

"The 1993 criteria to decide 'creamy layer' amongst OBC section says that people with landed property, all government employees above Class II, all OBC families with monthly income of Rs 20,000 (gross annual income of Rs.2.5 lakh and above ) etc. are barred from availing any reservation from now onwards,"

This is again a welcome decision though I have my fears that in the ‘land of jugaad’ (India) people would find a way to hide facts and forge documents to create an alternate reality to circumvent this clause. But well courts can do precious little about that. But I am all for reservations for economically backward and even if only economically backward OBCs would benefit from this ruling, I think it’s still good. What would have really pained me is son of an IAS officer studying at most expensive public school seeking an admission to IITs by claiming backwardness. Only backwardness I can notice in that case is moral backwardness.

I found another interesting information in a article in Indian Express:
http://www.expressindia.com/latest-news/Yes-to-affirmative-action-no-to-mindless-quotas/295151/

According to this piece:

“it is a very welcome judgment as the Supreme Court has given its nod to a new survey, which takes into account not only the caste but also the economic indicators to decide backwardness.”

Now if indeed SC has suggested that government undertakes a proper census to (i) Assess actual percentage of OBCs & (ii) redefine “backwardness” by taking into account both caste and economic factors. It is again a nice thought but as they merely suggested this to GoI and gave them absolute powers to determine who should be OBC, we can be absolutely sure that Government of India would do absolutely nothing about it.

And finally I also read somewhere that SC has indicated that impact of reservations on society needs to be reviewed every 5 years and list of beneficiary casts be revised. Noble thought once more but unfortunately we know our political apparatus would hardly do anything meaningful to meet the spirit of this recommendation.

But cheers again to SC for clarifying the meaning of backwardness and saving at least the institutes of highest learning from being sacrificed on the altar of vote-bank politics.

PS (Friday evening): My latest understanding is that the graduation being cut off point for backwardness is only part of Justice Bhandari's judgement and probably GoI will not be obliged to follow it. Sigh.....

You should just read this piece from Jug:
http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/From_Taslima_to_Tibet_India_proves_chicken/articleshow/2885952.cms
It's one of the most apt political commentary that I have come across for a while and frankly there couldn't have been a better choice of tone than sarcasm.

He got up in the morning and that feeling of emptiness was there again. This feeling has lingered on for a while now. He had hoped once he gets used to his decision, this feeling would just disappear but that was not to be. He so much wished at that moment that he hadn’t made this decision but then he knew he doesn’t even want to reverse it. All he wanted to escape from was this feeling that life is about to change too much, too quickly. There was this nagging fear of things drifting away, of something precious being lost forever. And on top of it, he knew the day when all this is going to hit him hard. He wanted to postpone it but with every morning he was actually getting near it.

He didn’t want to get out of bed, he looked at the table clock and he still had few minutes. He wanted to hold that ticking hand of the clock and stop it. He started thinking of his schedule for the day to distract himself but soon he again found himself thinking of the same thing. So often, few things become so central to our lives that whatever we do, it all leads us to that.

But then this was his own decision. Yeah, others did play a part in making him sit down to decide but when he made the decision – it was entirely his – no influence, no coercion, no pressure. But he still wanted to blame everyone who questioned him. After all, had they not questioned him – he would have never felt the need to seek the answer. His thoughts wandered to those joyous mornings few summers back, when there was no fear, no anxiety - when it was all so serene and peaceful.

And then his phone rang, he picked up the phone and heard the voice of his sweet little girl, “ Hey Dad, How are you? When are you coming home?” He talked to her for several minutes till the alarm clock reminded him that he needs to get off the bed now.

And so he did but the incessant chatter of his daughter has filled in all the emptiness within him with loads of joy. He was no more scared of losing anything. Calm and peace has returned. And so has the promise – promise of a new life which he was actually looking forward to.He was now ready to turn the page of his life, but before that he needed to finish this one.

And so he got up to get ready, he picked up the newspaper and saw his face on the front page again. A bold headline next to the photograph read – “Adam Gilchrist retires tomorrow”

It’s amazing how one’s life constantly change over the years. Passions, priorities, people - they all change as years walk by. If you look back, you would realize that at different points in time, different things meant so much to you. Wonder, if life could have been recorded, not just in photographs or videos but in some way where images can be preserved together with feelings, emotions, promises, aspirations and dreams of those moments. And on one of those lazy Saturday mornings when you have nothing better to do, how about playing back your life with a cup of coffee in your hand.

When I look back, what hits me is the force of emotions during the times gone by. How engrossed we were about getting that one thing in that one moment, as if life almost hinged upon it. It always felt like a ‘make or break’ then though now come to think of it – neither when we got what we wanted it turned life into a fairytale nor life turned into a miserable melancholy when we failed to get what we desired. It’s just that this wisdom always dawns when we can free ourselves from the emotional intensity of those moments.

“Intensity”, yeah that’s the word. It’s the intensity with which we throw ourselves in a moment that makes it so difficult for us to gather ourselves when those times have passed. But then, it’s just not about pulling oneself from losses but also staying sober through success. Because so often what shatters people is not just the failure to get what one yearned for but also the realization that life has not really changed much even after getting what you sought so much. But indifference & disenchantment are no solutions, intensity is a must, it drives you, it keeps you afloat and it brings lot of joy and so what if it makes it difficult too, it’s all part of the experience called ‘Life’.

Another thing I find interesting is how demanding we are of life. So often we are just like that kid, who would throw tantrums to get that toy which caught his fancy a few days back. But the day he gets it, that’s it, he might play with it for a day or two but it's just a matter of time till he finds that other toy which he now wants just as badly as he wanted the earlier one. Just like this kid, all of us always have something on top of our wish-list which we want out of life. At every step we tell ourselves – this is all I want but the moment we get it – that’s it. Soon, we want something else – and now that’s all we want. And somewhere in that process, if we don’t get something - well, life would always hear from us – look you didn’t give me that or else I wouldn’t have wanted this.

But I guess am drifting, what was in my mind when I started writing is how much life changes with time. How as a kid I had absolutely different dreams about my life ahead, as a teen it changed and then over the years I kept churning and changing the dreams of my future. Today I have different expectations from life – ones I feel are almost critical for my future happiness but probably few years down the line I might realize that all of them were inconsequential to how life turned out for me. Probably, today I have got much more from life than what I might have had, if life would have strictly given me only what I asked her for. So in a way it's good that life charts its own path, different from the one I want it to. Sometimes, one may get overawed by the change and may feel that his life has lost its way but probably all life is doing is putting you on a hidden trail of happiness, which you couldn't have discovered on your own.

This post started as a comment in response to Navya’s comment to my last post. But once it assumed its current length I decided to put it as a separate post. So, ideally this one should be read in conjunction with the last para of my previous post & Navya’s comment on that.


So let me start by presenting you a scenario.

Let’s assume there is this very difficult but extremely prestigious exam on Nuclear Physics that people from world over take. Among the numerous participants, there is one 42 year old eminent Nuclear Scientist & a 14-year old class Xth kid. Now when the results, come in our kid or whiz kid (whatever you wanna call him) scores 97 out of 100..Amazing…people stand up to take note, a 14 year old scoring 97 in such a difficult exam. He was hailed everywhere, got standing ovation wherever he went, was interviewed by media as if they have no one else to interview etc. etc. No denying that for a 14 year old to achieve what he did deserves all accolades that he got. But our eminent scientist let’s just call him Mr. K (scientists like such names) scored 98 which was highest among all participants. For a 42 year old nuclear scientist to score highest in a nuclear physics exam is commendable but no miracle.

Now entire public, media and our whizkid himself is demanding that he is declared the topper of this exam notwithstanding that Mr. K scored higher marks. Almost everyone is saying that kid is pure genius (which is something I am not denying) and so he deserves this honour but my problem is he is still the second best in absolute terms. May be if we revise the merit list on Score/Age basis, he would top it but on absolute score basis, Mr. K deserves the honour of topping this exam.

Case of this TZP kid – Darsheel – is same – he may have done great for his age and therefore deserve a special jury/critics award but not the best actor one. That should go to the guy who acted best irrespective of whether he has done 150 movies before or if he is 42, 52, 62. Now, limited question is, are you seeing him as a kid who acted exceedingly well or an actor who acted well. And when I look at him from latter point of view, I don’t see him as the best MAN. But then that’s merely my two Singapore cents.

Personally, I also believe that people are getting swayed by superb emotional appeal that TZP holds and therefore over-rating the kid’s effort (which doesn’t mean that I don’t think he is excellent but just that I don’t think he is something humanity has never seen before) but then that’s an extremely personal view which I won’t even like to present as an argument.

And finally to all Darsheel supporters – IQ comment in my last post was extremely light hearted, just in keeping with the tone of the post and it was not meant to disparage the intellect of any terrestrial or extra-terrestrial being (or for that matter, artificial intelligence of any super-computer even). And I hope no one took any offence to it, if you did my heartfelt apologies.

321 years back an apple fell and Newton discovered gravity. Today, it was turn of sensex to take a fall and for Indian investor to discover gravity. And what a costly way to discover that – 6.6 lakh crore is what it cost M-cap of India Inc. to discover that whatever goes up comes down. Hopefully, that would drive some SENSE in sensex.

Btw, if you heard me say 6.6 lakh crore, i.e. because I am sitting in Singapore 6 hours away from India. Am pretty sure, had you asked someone in India, they would have said we lost 6.6 crore “Nanos” today. Yups am talking about Tata Nano - supposedly the best thing to have happened to India since Sachin Tendulkar. And, I must say am in no mood to contest that. People might tell you that this would make Indian roads more congested, air more polluted and neighbourhoods more cluttered (where is the parking space anyways?). But I am willing to dismiss that as an elitist view, because I don’t think anyone who made such comments takes a bus to office or cycles his way through. To me, Tata Nano is yet another step towards empowerment of Great Indian Middle Class. And, given huge petrol/diesel subsidies by Govt. of India, for once government is literally fuelling the aspirations of Indian public.

And that reminds me, if you are a foreigner, have recently found yourself in India and wondering why no tourist or business brochure ever told you that most important city in India is Perth. Stay calm, don’t waste your dollars or euros in buying latest map of India, because Google is right when it tells you that only known ‘Perth’ on face of earth is in Western Australia. India has just won a cricket test match there and that’s all. It’s amazing, how we as a nation starved for sporting success goes overboard with any little piece of success that comes our way. We flaunt it so much that it becomes embarrassing at times. But then for all the dollars we pump in global cricket circus, there is something to show at least.

But there ain’t a circus more amusing than Politics and politics can’t get stranger anywhere but in subcontinent. After all where else would you find seasoned politicians asking a 19 year old to run a country? That’s right - Mr. Bilal Zardari/Bhutto must be the most important teenager after Harry Potter in current times, after all he is prime minister elect for running the most unstable democratic government in world. Sounds similar to calls for Priyanka and Rahul Gandhi to take up prime-ministership in aftermath of Rajiv Gandhi’s assassination. Wonder when would people in this part of world will get out of feudal age mentality and graduate to democracy in true sense of the word.

And finally, now that we have discussed, cricket, politics, business and sensex, fitting closure to this post would be a mention of Bollywood. And in current times, when one’s EQ (Emotional Quotient) is being measured by asking if he/she cried while watching Taare Zameen Par or not, how could I discuss something else. I must say that the movie is top rate, kid has really done exceedingly well and Aamir Khan has created one of the finest cinematic moments in form of the song “Maa…”. But “best actor award for the child” …well, where’s your IQ buddy?

Wish this didn’t happen - wish that happened differently - wish I could do it again.
But fortunately or unfortunately none such wishes are ever granted because Time is a one way street. There are no U-turns, There ain’t any going back. If you didn’t refill fuel of joy at the last gas station, you just will have to wait for the next. If you let go of any moments, they are lost forever – not to be regained, not to be rediscovered. You can find similar moments further ahead in your life but the ones you wasted, are gone for good.

We keep waiting for things to happen the way we want them to happen and during that wait we turn a blind eye to moments that are waiting to be embraced and enjoyed. As time ticks by, we grow impatient and then we pick the hammer made of our perceptions and start striking those moments hard, hoping we would succeed in moulding them the way we want to see them. While a few of us succeed, but far more of us only succeed in disfiguring and destroying the moments. And soon, we are just left with battered moments all around us.

And then you wish you had done things differently. You had smilingly hugged those moments as they were rather than ignoring them for ones which were never to be. You wish you had held those moments tight rather than letting them go, hoping they would return. But when has time ever come back? When it drifts - it just keeps going further and further away.

And therefore, may be key is to not try and wait for time to change but to step up and change the way you look at time. Key is not to sit and say that’s how I wanted my moments to be but to start enjoying the moments as they are. And may be in the process they may just lead you to the times which you were wishing for.

com·mu·nal·ism
\-nə-ˌli-zəm\
Noun: loyalty to a sociopolitical grouping based on religious or ethnic affiliation

That’s right out of Webster.
And reason why I needed to look up Webster for the most commonly used word in Indian politics today is because am fast realizing that this could possibly be the most misunderstood word in politics as well.

So, Mr. Narendra Modi won Gujarat elections yesterday for his third consecutive term. I remember five years back when he had won a similar majority I was extremely distraught. Afterall, how could someone who ought to be tried for letting rioters go berserk in aftermath of Godhra can be head of a government. And inspite of my greatest regard for Atal Bihari Vajpayee, one reason why I supported Congress in last elections was because I was convinced that BJP needs to be punished for what it allowed to happen in Gujarat.

But yesterday, as I streamed webcast of CNN-IBN to follow Gujarat election results, I was hoping Modi would win. And for simple reason that I have begun to realize that Congress’s brand of communalism will hurt this country more in a long run. I must clarify that I still blame Narendra Modi for Gujarat riots and I have little respect for him given his outright cheap and demeaning political speeches in last election.

But as I said before only reason why I wanted Modi to win, was because I wanted Congress to lose. Same Congress that I supported in last elections, which in hindsight was a mistake. Why? Let’s just sample few of the great steps being considered by this government to figure out why:

1. Muslim policemen in Muslim dominated areas
2. Preference for Muslims in Indian Army
3. Higher UGC grants for colleges with more Muslims
4. Directive to banks to include lending to Muslims under priority sector banking
5. More Muslims on government job interview panels so that more Muslims get selected

So if you just mistook Muslim for a synonym for Indian, you ain’t the only one out there to make that mistake. Apparently, Government of sovereign, socialist, secular, democratic republic of India led by Mr. Muslimmohan Singh err Manmohan Singh seems to have similar misunderstanding.

Now, just in case anyone here thinks that I have turned Hindu nationalist. Hold on.
I HATE COMMUNALISM.
And I hate communalism in its all forms. And you can refer the definition of communalism at the beginning of this post because communalism means religious bias and not just Hindu bias as Indian politicians seem to believe. So, while there is no denying that BJP has communal shades all over, but is Congress any different? BJP at least kept Army out of its communal agenda. And so, when on TV you hear a congressman call Narendra Modi communal, you just can’t help liking it to pot calling the kettle black.

We the people of India are today faced with a choice between devil and deep blue sea. Either we can side with a Communal BJP or a Communal Congress. Either we can vote for Gujarat rioters or Sikh rioters. Either we can elect a government which would thing twice before hanging Dara Singh or a government which would think thrice about hanging Mohammed Afzal. But the real tragedy is that while one of them would always win, we will always lose. We may help one of them to get elected but in the end we will be the ones who’ll end up being sorry for making that choice. Just as I today rue supporting Congress in 2004, I might be sitting and sulking few years down the line for supporting BJP in 2009.
And that’s why I say Frustration thy name is Indian Politics.